A dangerous pastime...

So I've been thinking...

In comparing this year's holidays to last year I was struck by a couple of things. Last year I was not super excited about Christmas; even thought about not putting up the tree (I did put it up, with Julia's help!). Without Justin home and Evie not old enough to know what was going on it just didn't feel the same. This year however, I was super psyched for Christmas, started decorating and crafting and wrapping and singing ASAP and yet I felt like the 25th came and went not unlike a steam engine. It was a wonderful holiday, don't get me wrong, but I felt a bit railroaded by the whole thing and have some ideas of how I may want to do things differently in the future.

Similarly, last New Year's I was incredibly excited. Again, I think it had much to do with turning the page onto the calendar year in which Justin would return from deployment. I was full of hope and enthusiasm and excitement and possibilities. This year, on the other hand, I'm having a harder time getting off the ground. I don't want to mislead you; I'm not without excitement for the new year. I think my major problem is that I look around and see so many things I'd like to improve, I don't know where to begin. And then I get exhausted just thinking about it all.

There are some small things off the top of my head that I want to do for myself. This year I want to:

-Read more. I used to be an avid reader, and nowadays I simply don't sit down to read. Anything counts, but I'd like to focus on new fiction (reading Harry Potter over and over doesn't count).

-Drink more water. Some days I go a whole day without drinking any. Unless you count the water used to make my coffee. No? I didn't think that counted.

-Declutter. Especially my wardrobe. Goodbye wishful thinking size 8 pants.

-Draw. Anything.

-Take more walks with Chokydar and Evie. (Justin too of course, but he's not just wild about them, whereas the other two can't get enough.

I'd also like to get rid of some of my emotional crutches. For instance, when I'm stressed or avoiding something, I have the tendency to gobble candy. When I say "gobble" think entire boxes in a day. Then I'll go out and get more. I thought it would be a good idea to give up candy altogether for a year, as I see myself more of an abstainer than a moderator, but this idea was not greeted enthusiastically by anyone I tested it on. ("You're going to do WHAT?!?!?") So that idea is on hold, although I'm still debating instituting it.

I came across some useful looking resolution/goal worksheets (I NEED spreadsheets, charts, calendars, check lists, etc.) and think I will look over them to try and get myself geared up and open to renewal. They are both from Simplemom.net and have gotten me thinking. This one is maybe a little too in depth for me, but is a good jumping off point, and I like the philosophy behind this post that says "winter is the time for setting goals, not starting goals."

Are you making resolutions/goals for 2010?

There and back again

We got back Sunday afternoon from our "vacation" (i.e. lots of enjoyable hard work) to Houston and New Jersey/New York. The trip included treacherous icy road conditions, snow storms, family, the best of friends, catching up, Evie's first encounter with stairs, excellent fondue, wii golf and bowling, a diverted excursion to Menlo Park mall instead of West Point, Cinnamon crunch bagels (with hazelnut cream cheese) from Panera, the NJ Transit, taking the wrong train for the first time ever, Ragtime on Broadway, fantastic Greek food on 56th and 7th, and the flight from hell, and much, much more. Well, nevermind...after hearing of the debacle at Newark airport this week, suddenly our trip didn't seem nearly so bad.

And through all of that (or perhaps because of), I somehow managed to take only a handful of pictures. Thankfully the drive back up to OK was the best we've had in months and we're using the week to unpack, settle back into routine, play with Christmas toys, and welcome the new year!

Hope yours has started well!

100 ideas for the new year

I stumbled across this wonderful blog, The Wish Jar and thought I would share a list she'd made:

I'm always looking for ways to renew and encourage personal growth. Sometimes I feel I can really get into a serious rut. Instead of doing this that would address the problem and encourage change, I often do the same old stuff that doesn't work over and over again out of comfort. This list has lots of fun little ideas for encouraging creativity.

I chuckled when I read #17. Sometime, I think it was during our first year here, I actually asked my mother to go to hardware stores and pick up free paint chip samples to mail to me. Just because I LIKE them. I cut them out and played with them and still have my favorites in a ziploc bag stuck in a drawer. I can't wait to have walls I can paint any color I want.

I'm not really into resolutions. I figure if I'm going to make a change, I don't need to wait for the New Year. On the other hand, there is something invigorating and refreshingly "clean slate" about the New Year, and I do feel compelled to be more productive.

Hope you enjoy the list! Let me know if it inspires you to action!

Happy New Year's Eve

Ok, you caught me. My header already says January 2009. I put it up yesterday on the 30th. I'm cheating. I'm so ready for 2009 though, it's ridiculous.

Somehow in my head it's not just the start of another year, it's a real turning point. In 2009 I will once again LIVE WITH MY HUSBAND. We will be within the actual calendar year of that impossible, unfathomable, wonderful reality. Also, barring crazy unforseeable circumstances, we should (FINALLY) be returning to America. After four years of living in Germany we'll be moving back home. I don't regret coming here at all, but for me, Europe is for visiting, not for living. I miss home. 2008's been just fine, as great as it could be without Justin here for 3/4 of it, actually, but I'm ready to say goodbye.

This year I turned 25, gave birth to our first child, deepened friendships, started drawing more (still working on that one), tried to grow, and waited. Oh, the waiting. I really shouldn't go down that road because it's a whole post unto itself, but the deployment has shaped so much of this year. You try not to dwell on it because it will consume your every waking moment if you let it, and so you go about the difficult balancing act of trying to move forward while remaining the same, holding onto the pain of being separated because letting go of the pain would be far, far worse.

But like I said, that's for another post. As this afternoon turns to this evening, we don't have any real New Year's plans. I imagine Evie and I will continue listening to Harry Potter on audio book, eat some rice cereal (Evie, not me) and roll around on the floor (probably both of us). And as I've never been much of a party animal, this suits me just fine.

Bring on 2009. Every day brings us closer.