Third time

Evie was told to smile for the camera.

Today is day #2 of deployment #3. Yesterday we dropped Justin off and began the countdown plunking off days until he's home again in a year. It's funny how some of the "deployment feelings" have been the same each time now, and some are very different. I always have this heavy, literal heartache. If you've had that feeling, you know what I mean. I always thought that was a figure of speech, but it's really not. My stomach usually feels a bit queasy when my mind wanders to the big picture of it--that he'll be away for an entire year and what that means he'll miss out on and what we'll have to do without him. But that's not how you do it--at least not how I do. I take it one day at a time, from one call to the next, happy with myself when I'm happy and strong and productive, and try not to get too down on myself when things just fall apart. They do sometimes, but isn't that the same with everyone? It just feels more lonely during deployment.

This time around, predictably, the hardest part I think is coming to terms, not with my own sense of loss, but with Justin's and Evelyn's. Our little girl just turned two and to imagine the child she will be in a year spins my head, and honestly breaks my heart. If the infrastructure is in place, which it hopefully will be, we will be able to Skype and allow for the two of them to still talk and see each other over the course of the year. Evie understands this concept and enjoys visiting with my parents via Skype, so I am hopeful it will help her cope and understand Justin's absence. As much as we've tried to explain, I can tell it just hasn't sunk in yet what this deployment thing means. Honestly, how can it? How do you explain to someone two years old that her daddy will be gone for half of the time she's been alive?

She's doing fine so far...she claimed this morning when I went in to change her diaper that "Daddy checked it" already. You might be afraid this is some kind of delusional coping mechanism, but it's just a sneaky two year old trying to get out of a diaper change. The "somebody else checked it" game started about a week ago...she first claimed to Justin that "Mommy checked it" and when he brought her in to ask me, confirming I had not, she switched gears, suggesting instead, "Bebe checked it!" You remember Bebe from The Inner Circle? She's not exactly capable of diaper changes...any more than Justin is for the next year.

Then there was this morning when Chokydar heard a noise outside the house starting her usual reaction and alerting everyone to the disturbance. Evie's eyes lit up and she exclaimed, "Daddy's home!!" with such joy, my tongue caught in my throat for a moment.

"No, honey, Daddy's not home yet. He won't be home for a long, long time, but he will come back and he loves us very much."

"He loves us VERY much," she agreed.

This and that

So, we're down to the final week. Every moment seems precious, but I ache to keep them mundane--normal, so that I don't feel that some impending doom is on its way. We're going about life...errands, work, chores, catching some Netflix here and there, and getting the house in order, but the deployment looms on the horizon and you can't help but count the minutes we have left together on the same continent.

We had a busy week with two birthdays. We celebrated Evie's on Thursday with just the three of us, and then again Saturday with a group of friends. I attempted to make Cookie Monster cupcakes, and was grateful to have years of practice before Evie gets more discriminating in her assessment of my cupcake-decorating skills.

She's been a real hoot lately. I know I've completely fallen off the wagon for my monthly letters. This time I didn't even bother to go back and see how long it's been. In any case, she's grown and changed so much it is impossible to try and communicate it properly, and I really do kick myself for not keeping track of some of the funnier things she'll say. She's speaking in more or less complete sentences now, although she will often get frustrated when we can't quite understand a new (or invented) word. Her speech is charmingly and purposefully enunciated, like she's trying to communicate with someone who speaks another language and may misunderstand her. Lately, she's taken to announcing, "It's...too...hot!" when we go outside (it's been in the 90s...).

This morning, when it was a pleasant 70 (hallelujah!), she already was making her forecast as I opened the door, "It's...too...hot...Mommy!"

I replied, "Actually, I think it's quite nice out Evie!"

"It's...too...nice...Mommy!" she corrected.

Having a two year old will certainly alert you to some of your bad habits, as I also learned this morning. As we left the Super Target, passing by the Starbucks, Evie exclaimed, "I...need...Starbucks...right...now...Mommy!" Oy vey.

She also is enjoying rhymes and songs at a new level. "This Little Piggy" and "Little Bunny Foo Foo" top the charts, along with the ABC song. She will request them in the car and gets no end of entertainment from listening and participating in their recitation.

Another random anecdote: We went to Texas Roadhouse last night for dinner, a favorite in the Watson household for many reasons. Personally, I like their ribs and cinnamon butter, but Evelyn is most fond of the "Piggy"--the costumed mascot armadillo that sometimes makes rounds at the restaurant. He of course is not always there, but when we go, she is instantly on the lookout for the Piggy, craning her neck and inquiring as to his whereabouts. I didn't hold out much hope that he'd be around last night, but sure enough, he appeared out of nowhere (a little frightening to me, but thrilling to E) and proceeded to mime some interactions with Evelyn, who was completely in awe. When he left we postulated on his activities...most likely he was hungry too, and needed to sit down and eat his macaroni and cheese, not unlike someone at our table.

Today, again in the car, Evie chimed in from the back, "Mommy? Piggy...not...here. Piggy...hungry...eat...macandcheese!"

Sunday was my 27th birthday. Twenty-seven, for me, is/was possibly the scariest of ages thus to date. I know this must sound silly to many of you, but somehow it feels more like turning a corner than I think 30 does. I don't really know how to explain it beyond that, but I find myself reflecting on the past year and where I want to be by 28, and I have a lot of ideas...

Happy Second Birthday, Sweetheart

Day 1:



Day 365:



Day 730:

The Inner Circle

A third member has joined the Inner Circle of friends. First there was Pound Puppy; one of my toys from childhood who was picked up in Houston on a visit to Nana and Granddaddy's. Then came Bebe; a gift from my dear friend Kat from college on a visit to Jersey over the holidays. And now, Pooh Bear has been initiated into the most sacred group of friends. Oddly enough, (this particular) Pooh has been around practically since Evie was born--he was a gift from my sister, and I used him monthly as a prop next to Evie as a sort of measuring standard when I took pictures of her as she grew in her first year.

I don't know why it's taken so long for her to take to him to this level, but she has. He is now one of three. They go around the house with us. They go in the car with us. They are often requested in the bath--that's a tough one to explain. Since her love for Pooh sprouted, I introduced her to the original Disney Pooh movie, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, and that's been a new favorite as well. She dances to Tigger's song and repeats after Piglet when he stutters "Oh, d-d-d-dear dear!"

In any case, I don't know how The Inner Circle could go from three to four. Her arms will have to grow to accommodate carrying anything else!

Biscuits, Gravy, and Giraffes

his is a bit of a catch up post as I just uploaded the pictures from my camera and have several rather unrelated things to share. They do all involve Evie, so I suppose they're not that unrelated after all. First of all, we have a picture from one Sunday afternoon when Justin was holding Evie after she woke up from her nap, and she fell back asleep on him for another half an hour:

Next, we dyed eggs for the first time this Easter. It was a lot of fun; Evie mostly colored on hers with the wax crayon and then we dipped them in the dye. Sadly, I did a really poor job capturing the whole event, but here's proof that it happened:

And finally, we took a trip up to Oklahoma City this past weekend. The weather was just so gorgeous, we slapped on our sunscreen and climbed in the car. As our weeks dwindle here in OK, we had to take in breakfast at one of our favorite finds in OKC, Pioneer Pies. They have an amazing selection of fresh baked pies on hand all the time, but I must admit, as wonderful as their pies are, my favorite thing they do is breakfast. It is huge and hearty with choices ranging from fruit topped waffles to pancakes, eggs and sausage, bacon, french toast, omelets, breakfast burritos, country potatoes, and the best biscuits and gravy I think I've ever had.

We headed over to the zoo after breakfast and had a great time seeing the animals. I think Evie's favorite might have been the ducks in the pond, although the giraffes gave the ducks a run for their money.

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

I haven't posted anything in weeks. It's been both a busy time and a slow time. We've had a trip to the emergency room for bacon grease burns on Evie's face (that's a complete story unto itself...), celebrated a friend's birthday and St. Patrick's Day, taken in some theater and discovered some new restaurants. The weather has been kind of bizarre, ranging from extremely gorgeous to downright nasty in a matter of hours. Especially on bad weather days I find myself struggling to mount the energy to do much.

For instance, this morning I sat down to post these pictures. Evie and I picked up some chalk the other day and spent the afternoon drawing on the back patio. I know I had a lot I wanted to say when I sat down to write this...stories to tell, anecdotes and news, but I'm pretty much drawing a blank right now. It's been that way. I'll muster the energy to do start something but haven't been really successful at following through lately.

Ok, I'll come back later. Just wanted to say hi and that we're still here. Hope you're good too.

La la la la! La la la la! Evie's words!

First of all, if you caught the reference in the title, I'm sorry.

And now, on to the list. These are most of the words that I can recall Evie now says unprompted. First, her version and then in parenthesis the actual word, in case for some reason it is unclear to you what she's saying:

• Day-too! (thank you!)
• El-com (you're welcome)
• Ma-ie (Mommy)
• Daa-ie (Daddy)
• Dar (Chokydar)
• Elmo (Elmo)
• Boh/boht (bottle)
• Peat! (please!)
• Book (book)
• Boot (hippopotamus. No, I'm just kidding. Boot.)
• Shu (shoe)
• Bebe (Bebe)
• Pou-puh (Pound Puppy)
• Bye (bye)
• Hi (hi)
• Pa-ie (potty)
• No (NO)
• DES! (yes)
• Doos (juice)
• Meow (meow)
• oof (woof)
• dun! (done)
• gara (garage)
• ipah (iPod)
• bana (banana)
• mote (remote)
• ibow (eyebrow)
• iye (eye)
• mou (mouth)
• nos (nose)
• buhsh (brush)
• wshh (wash)
• fnn (fan)
• down (down)
• UH UH! (whatever she is pointing at...)

I'm sure I'm missing a few...perhaps I'll come back and add them as they come to me.

17, 18, 19 +1

Dear Evelyn,

It almost seems foolish to apologize. I think I just need to accept that I'm no good at getting these letters out on time anymore and move on. I actually began writing this about three weeks ago. I'd missed two months and thought I'd better just write something, but alas, I never finished it. So the letter today is a bit of a mess. I can't remember exactly what all has happened since November. It's been a lot. I can't tell you really how your 17th month was different from your 18th. I've lost track of it all, but it needs to be documented somehow, because your growth and progress is astonishing, and if I can't keep track of it three months later, how in the world will I remember in twenty years unless I write it down now?

Where to even begin? Your problem solving and mimicry skills are through the roof. We can't say something without you repeating it. When I brush my hair, you want to brush yours. You brush your teeth when I do (and with a zeal that is quite surprising). You use your toy keys to "start" the rocking moose before riding. You imitate animal noises without prompting. You try on my shoes. You blow on your food.

I've read that kids like to be helpers around this age, and you must have read it too, because you LOVE to help. You pick up stray pieces of Chokydar's food and put them back in her bowl. (That's gross to me, btw.) You hand me clean dishes out of the washer. You put wet clothes into the dryer for me. You help me sort socks. You put things back in drawers and cabinets. This, of course, is after you have systematically emptied said drawer/cabinet of its entire contents. I'm beginning to understand and sympathize with my mother's explanation for anything that went missing around the house: "That girl! Michele must have taken it!" I'm sorry, mother! You take trash to the can, open the lid and throw it away. You reprogram my cell phone's ringtones. Okay, wait, that one is not too helpful.

There have been some new additions to our lives these past few months. It seems ridiculous that we were ever without them now...Elmo is now a member of the family via dvd. And you love him. We love him less. Grover was always my favorite muppet, and I have covert plans to introduce you to Grover in hopes of changing your allegiance. Secondly, my good friend Kat gave you a doll when we visited Jersey that has since been named "Bebe" that is your FAVORITE toy. You sleep with Bebe (pound puppy still too, just Bebe has joined the pack), frequently eat with Bebe, talk to Bebe, travel with Bebe, "wash" Bebe's hands and face, and have administered "medicine" to Bebe. This of course, is also something new in these past few months--the emergence of your imagination. Your pretend play is wonderful to watch and also quite a relief, as you've stopped actually eating your wooden fruit and veggie play set in favor of pretend nibbling on it. There are accompanying sound effects.

You wave bye-bye to "Daa-ie" every morning when he leaves for work and squeal with delight when he comes home again. You love trips to the park and going outside. You have a fascination with pine cones. You have A LOT of teeth now. I've lost count. You are a charmer; strangers love you, as well as those who know you, of course. You can also be a drama queen. I hear that's karma coming back to get me from my childhood. I gave you your first haircut--gosh, back in November now? December? I saved the baby hairs, but now I can't remember where I put them... You play with ipod apps. You place our hands on your tummy and hold them there when we cuddle. You've been sleeping extremely well--usually until about 7 am and go to bed without a peep about 7-7:30 pm.

Nineteen months. It's hard to wrap my head around it.

I still love you more every day.

Love,

Mommy