a girl, a guy, a tomato, a bean, and a bear

Monday, June 29, 2009

I'd give them points for honesty.

Fake customer service really cracks me up. Sometimes I wish they'd just fess up and admit they suck at doing whatever it is they're claiming to do. For instance, if you try to call the clinic for an appointment here, you'd better be prepared to wait 10 minutes on hold before ever talking to a real person--and that's on a good day. Sometimes they'll never answer at all. Are they on another line for half an hour straight? Out to lunch? Left work early? Who knows! But while you're waiting the horrible elevator music will occasionally be interrupted by a cheery recorded voice proclaiming, "Thank you for your patience! Your call is important to us; please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly." Personally I think I'd appreciate a little honesty in this circumstance. Maybe something like this...

"Thank you for holding. As if you have much of a choice."

"Your call is an annoyance to us. Please hang up now and save us both the trouble."

"While you're waiting, please feel free to calculate exactly how much this call is costing you."

My favorite is when you've been trying on and off all day to get through to the operator and make an appointment, only to have them FINALLY answer the line, and then they transfer you for a bogus reason to another line--which of course isn't answered, and suddenly you're right back where you began, dazed at how close you came to reaching your goal, only to have your hopes and dreams dashed.

I'm not bitter, though.


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