Three steps forward, two steps back.

ust a few days before Justin left I picked up a new stash of super colorful alpaca and bamboo yarn. It was definitely a splurge but I knew that it would be something fun and new to work on and occupy my mind in these first few days/weeks.
Now, it's not as if I don't already have about 5 unfinished projects going on already--and I am making slow progress on them--but I hit a roadblock on this one project in particular that really frustrated me, so I shifted gears from knitting on that one to starting a crochet baby blanket in my new yarn.
I love crochet for many reasons, one of which being how quickly it works up. I only sat down with this blanket maybe three or four nights for a couple of hours to get this far, and I guess I got so wrapped up in enjoying the mindlessness of it that it's taken me this long to realize I made the blanket way too wide for a baby blanket. I tend to do that...my blankets are always gargantuan. I was tempted to just keep going on this one and have it be a regular throw, but with the yarn being so pricey and my original intent for it to be for the baby's room, I'm going to go ahead and take it all back apart.
The past couple of days have felt like that in more than one way. I have been keeping myself busy and getting some good things done, but somewhere mid afternoon or evening time I sometimes hit a wall. I guess it's when I get tired enough to really sit down and stop to think, but sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the amount of things to do around the house, and by my fresh feelings of loneliness. It's not crippling or anything, and I do feel like I'm making progress, but like the blanket, I sometimes feel I've taken three steps forward only to have to take two back. Still, that's one up for the day and that's not bad.
It's hard for me to grasp that tomorrow will be August. That means I've got a bit over two months until the new little one arrives, and that's a tiny bit stress-making. Her room is a catch-all for toys and diapers and the crib is full to the brim of junk I needed out of the way. I have about an eighth of the painters tape on the wall where I intend to paint some stripes, a chair that needs re-upholstering, prints to frame and hang, clothes to sort and wash, and a better storage solution to find for Evie's toys that now occupy the middle of the room. That's a lot, but it wouldn't feel so overwhelming if it weren't for the fact that just about every other room in the house needs some TLC too.
On a side note, Evie is now claiming Justin as an alibi for other mysteries...when her second tennis shoe went missing this morning she exclaimed, "Daddy...tookit...Af-gan-stan." Turned out, it was actually in the kitchen.

Third time

Evie was told to smile for the camera.

Today is day #2 of deployment #3. Yesterday we dropped Justin off and began the countdown plunking off days until he's home again in a year. It's funny how some of the "deployment feelings" have been the same each time now, and some are very different. I always have this heavy, literal heartache. If you've had that feeling, you know what I mean. I always thought that was a figure of speech, but it's really not. My stomach usually feels a bit queasy when my mind wanders to the big picture of it--that he'll be away for an entire year and what that means he'll miss out on and what we'll have to do without him. But that's not how you do it--at least not how I do. I take it one day at a time, from one call to the next, happy with myself when I'm happy and strong and productive, and try not to get too down on myself when things just fall apart. They do sometimes, but isn't that the same with everyone? It just feels more lonely during deployment.

This time around, predictably, the hardest part I think is coming to terms, not with my own sense of loss, but with Justin's and Evelyn's. Our little girl just turned two and to imagine the child she will be in a year spins my head, and honestly breaks my heart. If the infrastructure is in place, which it hopefully will be, we will be able to Skype and allow for the two of them to still talk and see each other over the course of the year. Evie understands this concept and enjoys visiting with my parents via Skype, so I am hopeful it will help her cope and understand Justin's absence. As much as we've tried to explain, I can tell it just hasn't sunk in yet what this deployment thing means. Honestly, how can it? How do you explain to someone two years old that her daddy will be gone for half of the time she's been alive?

She's doing fine so far...she claimed this morning when I went in to change her diaper that "Daddy checked it" already. You might be afraid this is some kind of delusional coping mechanism, but it's just a sneaky two year old trying to get out of a diaper change. The "somebody else checked it" game started about a week ago...she first claimed to Justin that "Mommy checked it" and when he brought her in to ask me, confirming I had not, she switched gears, suggesting instead, "Bebe checked it!" You remember Bebe from The Inner Circle? She's not exactly capable of diaper changes...any more than Justin is for the next year.

Then there was this morning when Chokydar heard a noise outside the house starting her usual reaction and alerting everyone to the disturbance. Evie's eyes lit up and she exclaimed, "Daddy's home!!" with such joy, my tongue caught in my throat for a moment.

"No, honey, Daddy's not home yet. He won't be home for a long, long time, but he will come back and he loves us very much."

"He loves us VERY much," she agreed.

28 Weeks

I found a photography series via Oh Dee Doh today called The Walk to 40 Weeks by The Panic Room and felt immediately inspired and guilty.

This beautiful series chronicles one woman's pregnancy from week 16 to the birth of their son. I love the creativity of it being staged as a walk, capturing the journey aspect of a pregnancy, and I love this gorgeous woman's maternity fashion. Where, oh where, did she find these non-frumpy gems?

The guilty part comes in as today marks my 28th week with our second. With Evelyn, I faithfully took simple pictures every few weeks chronicling my growing tummy, although that was before I had returned to maintaining this blog, so they never saw the light of day. Here's me at 28 weeks with Evie:

And so, today I took a couple of quick shots to capture part of this pregnancy. I know the second child is supposed to kind of get ripped off in terms of sentimental documentation, but I hope to do a little better for the poor dear...

This and that

So, we're down to the final week. Every moment seems precious, but I ache to keep them mundane--normal, so that I don't feel that some impending doom is on its way. We're going about life...errands, work, chores, catching some Netflix here and there, and getting the house in order, but the deployment looms on the horizon and you can't help but count the minutes we have left together on the same continent.

We had a busy week with two birthdays. We celebrated Evie's on Thursday with just the three of us, and then again Saturday with a group of friends. I attempted to make Cookie Monster cupcakes, and was grateful to have years of practice before Evie gets more discriminating in her assessment of my cupcake-decorating skills.

She's been a real hoot lately. I know I've completely fallen off the wagon for my monthly letters. This time I didn't even bother to go back and see how long it's been. In any case, she's grown and changed so much it is impossible to try and communicate it properly, and I really do kick myself for not keeping track of some of the funnier things she'll say. She's speaking in more or less complete sentences now, although she will often get frustrated when we can't quite understand a new (or invented) word. Her speech is charmingly and purposefully enunciated, like she's trying to communicate with someone who speaks another language and may misunderstand her. Lately, she's taken to announcing, "It's...too...hot!" when we go outside (it's been in the 90s...).

This morning, when it was a pleasant 70 (hallelujah!), she already was making her forecast as I opened the door, "It's...too...hot...Mommy!"

I replied, "Actually, I think it's quite nice out Evie!"

"It's...too...nice...Mommy!" she corrected.

Having a two year old will certainly alert you to some of your bad habits, as I also learned this morning. As we left the Super Target, passing by the Starbucks, Evie exclaimed, "I...need...Starbucks...right...now...Mommy!" Oy vey.

She also is enjoying rhymes and songs at a new level. "This Little Piggy" and "Little Bunny Foo Foo" top the charts, along with the ABC song. She will request them in the car and gets no end of entertainment from listening and participating in their recitation.

Another random anecdote: We went to Texas Roadhouse last night for dinner, a favorite in the Watson household for many reasons. Personally, I like their ribs and cinnamon butter, but Evelyn is most fond of the "Piggy"--the costumed mascot armadillo that sometimes makes rounds at the restaurant. He of course is not always there, but when we go, she is instantly on the lookout for the Piggy, craning her neck and inquiring as to his whereabouts. I didn't hold out much hope that he'd be around last night, but sure enough, he appeared out of nowhere (a little frightening to me, but thrilling to E) and proceeded to mime some interactions with Evelyn, who was completely in awe. When he left we postulated on his activities...most likely he was hungry too, and needed to sit down and eat his macaroni and cheese, not unlike someone at our table.

Today, again in the car, Evie chimed in from the back, "Mommy? Piggy...not...here. Piggy...hungry...eat...macandcheese!"

Sunday was my 27th birthday. Twenty-seven, for me, is/was possibly the scariest of ages thus to date. I know this must sound silly to many of you, but somehow it feels more like turning a corner than I think 30 does. I don't really know how to explain it beyond that, but I find myself reflecting on the past year and where I want to be by 28, and I have a lot of ideas...

Happy Second Birthday, Sweetheart

Day 1:



Day 365:



Day 730:

Hi again...

Hmmm, it's me! I haven't updated my header since April, posted since May...what is this June? July? I think it's safe to say we've been living a bit of a whirlwind these past few weeks/months, and although the dust is starting to settle, that never lasts long around here.

We closed on the house on June 30th without complications and moved in to our new home after 42 days in an extended stay hotel (I'm sure the cleaning staff was as glad to see Chokydar leave as we were glad to go!) Our belongings arrived the following two days, as well as my parents to help us unpack and begin settling in. I've taken shamefully few pictures, but hope to remedy that. Here are a couple from our Independence Day cookout, celebrating our new digs with my mom, dad, aunt and uncle:

We're far from being completely unpacked, but most things are at least out of the moving box at this point. With me, things often get a lot worse before they get better; cleaning is a messy process. We've had help installing ceiling fans and fixtures, and I'm adding hardware to our cabinets and drawers (only one or two disaster moments so far). Again, pictures to come...

I have a long shopping list most days when we go out, including everything from potted plants (several of which I've already managed to kill...), bath mats, screws, charcoal, and rugs. Today I added another item, to be picked up in the coming week: Gobstoppers. If you've followed the blog for over a year, you may know what that means. Justin is getting ready to deploy again, this time (the third) to Afghanistan, rather than Iraq. As a means of visually passing the days, I count out 365 Gobstoppers and put them in a jar, to be eaten once daily beginning the day he leaves. Sadly, that day is quickly approaching, although for you, dear reader, it could actually be a good thing, because I think I tend to update the blog about 11 times as much when he's away as when he's here.

I'm going to have a lot to share, because Evie is growing like a weed, I've got a household to set up, a new community to explore, friends to make, projects to tackle (and complete), and, oh yeah, a new arrival in October that should keep things lively.

Stay tuned, loved ones, and while you're at it, send a prayer my way.